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How Do I Reconcile My Homosexuality With God?

Are you looking to be delivered from homosexuality?  Read my book for advice on how to reconcile your homosexuality with God.

Are you looking to be delivered from homosexuality?  Read my book for advice on how to reconcile your homosexuality with God.

How Do I Reconcile My Homosexuality With God?

If you reached this website, you are probably seeking the answer to the eternal question.  How do I reconcile my homosexuality with God?  I spent over 20 years trying to answer that question myself.   If you are feeling suicidal, go to this website now:  Suicide: Read This First ( 

If you need to speak with a human being immediately, call The National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

Man and man wrong.   Women and women wrong.   I don't say that, I simply say there is NO Holy Scripture that justifies your behavior.   If you are looking for an answer, you will not find it anywhere.   I'm not God and only God can make that decision.  Only God knows the answer.  God made you exactly the way you are supposed to be.  There is nothing wrong with you.  You just need to adhere to the moral principles of your faith. 

God even made LGBTQIA+ people.
This is how Jesus would respond.  Matthew 7:21-23.

I'm pretty sure a lot of religious people never thought that Jesus would ever be capable of doing anything like that because he is.  This cartoon exemplifies the principle that only God has the answer, and only God can judge.  Many people try to put God in a box and say this is what God would say, but the truth is that God does whatever God wants to do.  The religious representative of your faith will only do what God wants them to do.  This cartoon is backed up by  Matthew 7:21-23 (RSV). 


The same people who tell you are going to hell, have just as much chance of going themselves as you do.  God makes that decision.  God is always in control.

My parents sent me to gay conversion therapy and I hate their idea of God and Jesus.  I love my idea of God and Jesus.  My God loves me unconditionally and made me in His image.  Whereas their God loves me as long as I'm straight, then I was made in His image.  

Unlike what you have been taught, you have to develop an idea of God that is loving, and caring, made you in His image, and always has your best interest at heart.  You have to learn to be spiritual and not religious.  Whatever you do, keep your constant contact with God through prayer and meditation.  You may have to put down your Holy Book for a while and focus on building your trust and your relationship with God before you pick it up again.

As a religious person, you need to learn to say fuck their idea of God and fuck their idea of the religious representative of your faith.  Because you are not actually saying fuck them, you are actually saying fuck you to the idea of them that is being used to demonize you.  You actually love God and the religious representative of your faith.  

You will find many well-meaning religious people who will do more harm to you with a Holy Book in an attempt to help you than you will actually find comfort in a Holy Book initially.  If you find that religious people made you run or are making you run from God, that's why.  

It is hard to love a God, Religion, and Holy Book that is used to call you an abomination, and not only tells you that you deserve to die.  Leviticus 18:22 (RSV)Leviticus 20:13 (RSV)

This may lead to suicidal thoughts, depression, substance abuse, atheism, bad dating relationships, unwanted marriages, unwanted children, and dangerous down-low behavior.  I'm pretty sure many religious people have never seen the dark side of your faith.  The same Holy Book that gives them hope and energizes them, will cause these emotions in you initially.  

The best way to initially deal with this issue is to do the following:  


  • I would be pansexual and date all genders at the same time.  Even though you may become pansexual, always try to make heterosexuality your preference first.  Life is always easier being heterosexual than being LGBTQIA+.  Even though you are living an alternative lifestyle, always have taqwa when making decisions about dating and choosing your mate.  There are people who are fun to look at and fun to ride but are NOT marriage material.  Also, keep this in mind during this process.  If you cannot be heterosexual:  Watch This Video Before Continuing To Read


What is Pansexuality?  Click Here For The Definition 

What is Taqwa?  Watch The Video Below For An Explanation.  

Shaykh Hamza Yusuf is NOT affiliated with this website.

  • I would keep my pants on and not let sex cloud the direction in which God wants you to go.  Tell your prospective mate that you are looking for marriage and you have no time for anything else.  I would also recommend that you follow The Rules Of Halal Dating.  

  • Sex only complicates a relationship and brings in more emotions that don't need to be there.  You may begin to think with your small head and not your big head.  Sex will not allow you to make a clear rational decision when choosing your mate. Focus on building a friendship and relationship first.  Even though you may become liberal sexually, be conservative morally.  Pre-marital sex is wrong.  If you feel the need to "Test out the goods before you buy them", make sure you are at least engaged first.

  • I would pray that God would pick your spouse under His will and direction daily.

  • Join groups at your local LGBTQIA+ community center for support.  You will be able to embrace and become comfortable with a part of yourself that you are uncomfortable with.  Plus you may hear the stories of those who are going through or went through what you are going through now.


Don't ever forget, that God will never fail you.  He may not come when you want Him to, but He's always right on time.  God will never allow any of His sincere servants to enter the hellfire.

Remember if you ever have a problem, rely upon God.  God will always provide you with a solution to any problems you are having.

Why I Said Fuck God

During my therapy time, I reached a point where I just got so sick and tired of the religious bullshit that my parents were putting on me.  I actually got to the point where I was ready to quit religion altogether.  That was the anger that people directed toward God, their parents, and themselves.  I actually felt better afterward.  I got my anger and frustrations towards my parents that I directed toward God out.  I later found that I love God, and I hated their idea of their God.  I had to create my own idea of a loving God.  My God is loving, and caring, made me in His image and always has my best interest at heart.  God can't be put in a box.  God is not black and white, but gray.  There are a lot of gray areas that only God can explain.

Once I fell in love with my idea of God, life got easier and better.  My God loves me unconditionally and made me in His image. Whereas their God loves me as long as I'm straight, then I was made in His image.


If You Rely Upon God For The Answer, God Won't Allow You To Be Gay Right?

The truth is God will send the person you are supposed to be with right at that exact moment if you have faith no matter the gender. God will determine your "sexual orientation."

Substance Abuse

If you have substance abuse problems, there may be programs that will help pay for help.  I would recommend Narcotics Anonymous because they cover all drugs including alcohol.  Alcohol is also a drug too, I'm an alcoholic who goes to NA.  *Narcotics Anonymous is NOT affiliated with this website*   You can also search for zoom and LGBTQ meetings as well.



If you can, try to go once a week to therapy.  Your employer may offer a certain amount of free sessions.  You should learn to journal your emotions every day and read your journal entries to your therapist.  This way you can track your progress.  Your therapist will be able to see your thought process.  You will get those hurt emotions out daily and not hold them in.  You will get the most out of your sessions instead of sitting on a couch and the therapist asking you questions.  You will learn more about yourself.

You should pick a therapist based on your individual needs including family conflict.  As a potential transgender Muslim woman, I decided to go to a woman's clinic with a Muslim Hijabi therapist that knows how to deal with gay issues.  A therapist like the ideal me.  I will put a link for to search for therapists.  You can filter by insurance, and try to pay for the therapy so you won't have any power or control issues.

In my 20s I wish I would have had my own choice.  If you are being forced to go to gay conversion therapy, maybe your parents will allow you to choose your own therapist.  Maybe your parents will attend sessions with you.  Make sure to choose one that can deal with gay issues and family conflict.


I'm Under 18, What Do I Do?

Unfortunately, as long as you live in your parent's house, you have to abide by their rules.  You should make a plan to go to college and move out and live in the dorm.  Or you have to wait until you are 18 and then move out.  Or you can go live with a friend or relative who accepts your lifestyle because you are technically homeless.  In my experience technically homeless means, you have a happy home and loving parents, but you are no longer welcome in their home because of your lifestyle.

Or you will just have to suppress yourself.  Just don't resort to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain.  Pray and ask God for daily strength.    

If you choose not to suppress yourself, go to your local LGBTQIA+ community center to see if they have a youth group.  You will be able to find other kids like yourself to be friends with.  At my local LGBTQIA+ community center, they have youth groups and even an LGBTQIA+ prom for teens.

Just remember if you choose to live a double life, you risk being kicked out of the house and even disowned by your family.  Things may even get worse at home than they are now for you.  God wants you to be happy but not homeless.

You should also avoid meeting people on the Internet.  There are a lot of creepy old people looking to hook up with underage kids.  The last thing you want to be is found dead in some weird bondage situation.  You also don't want to engage in down-low behavior that will lead to your death.

You really should wait for sex until you are 18 or graduate high school.  You should wait to have sex until you are married.  If you can't wait for marriage, then you should wait for an engagement.  There are a lot of sexually transmitted diseases floating around.  I've personally seen someone die of aids, and it's not a pretty situation.

Understand that even your closest relatives and friends that you confide in may leak some information that can get back to your parents.  Be careful who you talk to.


Is The Alternative Lifestyle A Choice?

In my case, I would say no.  I would give my left arm to have not been born this way.  I would give my left arm to never have to deal with this issue. 


For Critics

This section is for the critics of my website.  You will find that many of these legalistic religious people actually don't have the empathy of their religious representatives.  No matter what moral high ground you have, God would never want to see any of his creations hurting in this manner.  If you see what you are doing to someone is actually doing more harm to them than helping them, maybe you should re-think your approach.  Are you really doing what God wants you to do?  You should encourage people to be straight, but you should also realize when to stop, show empathy, and do God's will.  God made God-fearing LGBTQIA+ people too.  We do exist.  We all are NOT like The Inhabitants of Sodom & Gomorrah.

Religious people know three things about homosexuality.

  1. They hate homosexuality and especially transgendered people.

  2. They can never explain what causes a person to be gay besides blaming lust, satan, sin, or weakness of the flesh.  They may also use pseudo-psychology to find the root cause of these emotions.

  3. They can never tell you how to "cure it permanently."  Sometimes you can't "pray the gay away."  They may suggest that LGBTQIA+ people be sexually abstinent like Paul.  They may also tell LGBTQIA+ people that you can have gay thoughts, but just don't act on them.  Matthew 5:27-28 (RSV)  Even having lustful gay thoughts is a sin.  According to Jesus, if you have them it's like you have acted out on them anyways.  You might as well go ahead and act upon them with taqwa.


Remember... A religious person cannot blanketly say that homosexuality is okay.  By all Holy Scriptures, it is a sin.  I am not actually promoting homosexuality.  I'm only trying to help someone deal with their homosexual tendencies.  Only God can judge the intent and heart of a person.  As humans, we can only judge the exterior of a person.

I met a deeply religious gay male who is married to a gay Christian minister and they run a church together.  His dream is to be heterosexual.  He asked God to "deliver him from homosexuality."  He even tried dating women, but his homosexual tendencies never went away.  On the outside, he appears to be living an immoral homosexual lifestyle.  He actually isn't.  Unless you actually sat down and talked with him, you would never ever know that.

Unless you are God, how can you truly know what God would say about an LGBTQIA+ person like himself?  There are a lot of LGBTQIA+ people with deep faith in God.  It is always better to have a person be LGBTQIA+ and religious than an atheist.  How many souls have you turned away from God with your message of exclusivity and lack of compassion?  At least on The Day Of Judgement, I can say to Allah that I was only trying to spread your message inclusively and draw someone closer to you with compassion.  I can also say I prevented another atheist who is angry with you because of "Church hurt."  I know, that almost happened to me personally.  I believe in God and all of The Prophets, but I no longer believe in organized religion.

I agree with the deeply religious gay male's motto.  Our job as a church is to preach the word.  At the end of the day, let God judge the person.

LGBTQIA+ religious people should be given a gold star in faith.  We adhere to a God, Holy Books, and Prophets that are only used to demonize us.

I'm only offering a God-based solution to people who are struggling with same-sex attraction.  I plan on marrying the person whom God intends me to be with.

If you have a problem with my message, then what is your solution?  I'm still waiting for a good answer.


Why I No Longer Believe In Organized Religion

I suffer from an extreme case of "Church Hurt."  I had God and Jesus weaponized against me so much to the point that I would never go back to Christianity.  Islam always seemed to be more correct to me than Christianity ever was.  Many people who demonize me because of my choice of religion, also don't realize that I am also taking a second chance with God.

One day I was assisting at church, and I felt so isolated because the message I felt excluded me.  I felt so alone in that room.  While the screams of hallelujah, and praise the Lord were going on...  It didn't apply to me because of my sexual orientation..  Once again I was a "Sodomite that was going to hell."

Then I began to ponder God.  I was disappointed with God.  This cannot be the God I serve.  God had to be better than what organized religion was teaching.  I realized that God had to be bigger, better, more compassionate, and more loving than what organized religion was teaching.

I also realized that The Prophets had to be bigger, better, more compassionate, and more loving than what organized religion was teaching.

I felt a little uneasy about this until I spoke with my cousin.  He said that is actually the natural path you follow once you become closer to The Divine God.  You actually transcend the religious stage and move onto the next level with your relationship with God.

You realize the pageantry and ceremonies mean nothing unless you mean it.  That was a main point of  The Teachings Of Jesus when he dealt with The Pharisees and the mitzvah system.  You can follow all of these rules, but if you don't mean it, it's like you never did them at all.  It's all about your intentions.  I do believe in holding firm to the major tenants of faith, but I no longer can buy into all the bullshit that religion teaches.  I developed a faith that is based solely upon God and does not rely upon religion anymore.


I no longer care about what man thinks anymore.  All I worry about is the spiritual connection I have with God.  All I worry about is my standing with God on The Day Of Judgement.  I also try to follow the example and teachings of The Prophets as well.

Always remember these things:

  1. One cannot be certain of their place in the afterlife after they die until they are judged on The Day Of Judgement.  Matthew 7:21-23 (RSV)

  2. You can do something so pleasing in the eyes of God that it will guarantee you heaven on the spot.  You can also do something so displeasing in the eyes of God that it will guarantee you hellfire on the spot.  You will never know this until The Day Of Judgement.  Even though you may pray, read the Holy Scriptures, and attend religious services for your whole life...  You can still go to hell if you did one thing that was so displeasing in the eyes of God.  Sahih Al Bukhari 6478

  3. God will forgive all sins as long as you genuinely repent.  Live life as if you will not know what sins were forgiven until The Day Of Judgement.  You cannot sin for your whole life and simply ask for forgiveness on your deathbed and expect to go to heaven. 

  4. You must do the will of God who is in heaven at all times.  Matthew 7:21-23 (RSV)

  5. Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you.  Matthew 7:12 (RSV).

  6. An atom's worth of good is always repaid with an atom's worth of good.  An atom's worth of evil is always repaid with an atom's worth of evil.  Sūra 99: Zilzāl, or The Convulsion:7-8


Don't ever be afraid of God, because God's love and mercy always outweigh His wrath.  Just be conscious of the things that you do. Try not to displease God.


For The Sake Of Ten

How can you know that God is NOT 100% anti-LGBTQIA+ people?  Although heretical, you have Genesis 18:32 (RSV)

Then he said, “Oh let not the Lord be angry, and I will speak again but this once.  Suppose ten are found there."  He answered, “For the sake of ten I will not destroy it.”

Religious people often like to run around and use The Story Of Sodom and Gomorrah as the basis of their beliefs that God is 100% against LGBTQIA+ people, once again they did not read the whole story.

Abraham actually prayed for The Inhabitants of Sodom and Gomorrah before he went there, and that was God's response..  If 10 good people were found in the city, He would not destroy it.

If Biblical prophesy is based upon past events, then on The Day Of Judgement God will also have the same opinion.

God is NOT 100% ANTI-LGBTQIA+ people.  God's mercy always outweighs His wrath.

The story of Noah's Ark is about "a world filled with evil straight people.  " When God looked down upon the earth, there were no good people there except for Noah and his family.  They were told to escape by God.  Then God unleashed his punishment upon the inhabitants of Earth.

If Noah's Ark happened, why do straight people have a chance of going to heaven whereas LGBTQIA+ people don't?

In both examples, sin and wickedness were so widespread that God had to destroy them.


How Do You Define Sin

A Muslim and a Christian go out to dinner.  The Christian orders a plate of ribs and a beer.  Whereas Muslims can't have either because it is against their religion.  The Muslim looks at the Christian and says "Brother what are you doing?  You are committing a great sin."   The Christian says to the Muslim, "I'm not sinning at all."   How do you define sin?  

This is what happens when a straight religious person tells an LGBTQIA+ religious person they are sinning.  They are both religious people, but their moral values are completely different.  What is acceptable to one person is completely unacceptable to another religiously. 


The Ex-Ex-Gay Movement

I would consider myself part of it.  Ex-gays are religious people who relied upon religion to "become straight."  Ex-ex-gays are religious people who are ex-gays and did everything in their power to become heterosexual, but it just didn't work.  God can absolutely deliver you from homosexuality because God can do anything.

If you are considering going to gay conversion therapy also known as reparative therapy, please watch this video below.

If you are finding yourself "Unable to change."   Praying, fasting, gay conversion therapy, and sexual repression will not get rid of homosexual tendencies.  God made you exactly the way you are supposed to be, there is nothing wrong with you.  You just need to adhere to the moral principles of your faith.

On Netflix, there is a movie called Pray Away, I encourage you to watch it.

That's why this is a 100% solution.  You can become an "ex-gay" because God would have sent you a spouse.  You can become an "ex-ex-gay" because you realize that God loves you and you know that God knows your intent and your heart.  If you are struggling with homosexuality, you realize that God loves you just the way you are.

God even made LGBTQIA+ people.
There Is Nothing Wrong With Me

Although I have had this website up for a couple of years, I keep finding myself having to re-read it for strength.   I reached a point where my alcoholism had taken the best of me.  I realized that (being trans) was keeping me away from being close to Allah.  I also realized that (being trans)  was keeping me away from being close to Allah.

I realized something about myself that  I had forgotten, I consider myself a Waria.  Although society may not allow,  and religion may say not to live this, way,   I know that God loves me just the way I am.  That is the motto of a Waria.

What do you think?  All LGBTQIA+ people hang out at parades and have sex with each other?  LOL :)

My Experience

I spent many years in different therapies, reading Holy Books, and abusing substances...  In short, dealing 20 years with religious crap can be summed up like this. 


If this book is helping you out in any way so far and you know any family or friends that need help.  Please remember to tell them about this website so we can help them out too.  If I helped you out in any way, please share with me your experience.

If you are a social media influencer, please read my whole book and tell people about it on your social media platform #HomosexualityWithGod.  Feel free to compliment or critique my work in any way on your social media platform.  Please share with me your experience.  I am only here to plant a seed and not to grow a plant.  I'm only here to spark a discussion and share my experience of how I reconciled my homosexuality with God.  I may not be able to reward you financially or with a million followers on your social media platform, but God will reward you based on your intentions. Matthew 6:25-34 (RSV).


Gay Religion

In my opinion, I find that sometimes people can get carried away with the love message and forget about the sexual obedience to God part.  They may also forget that hypersexuality is wrong.  If you are looking for resources to help you in your spiritual growth, I will provide some links below.  If I find any more links for other religions, I will post them as time goes on.  The institutions below are in no way associated with this website.  I found both of these institutions helpful in my spiritual growth. 


Transgender Life Support

If you feel like you are trapped in the wrong body and are looking to reach out to others like yourself, click the link below. Remember, you are not alone.  There are others like yourself.  This group is in no way associated with this website.


My Lovelife And Dating

The Lord has delivered me from the sin of homosexuality!  Psyche, it never goes away.  I'm just not tortured anymore.


If you apply taqwa to dating, God will morally steer you away from undesirable people because they are not marriage material. God will place the right person in your life.  You will begin to pick individuals with the same moral compass as yourself.  Taqwa and prayer will eventually direct you to the person you are supposed to marry.


I prayed for God to send me a spouse.  As of now, I am dating a beautiful African woman who treats me like a king and is looking to get married.  Maybe Allah answered my prayers, only time will tell.

I'm still attracted to men.  She also knows I'm monogamous and pansexual and she has no problem with it at all.


Even if it's through me, or even after me... Never give up Mrs. ??? I LOVE YOU!!!

If anything I said was good, that came from God.  If I said anything wrong, that came from Satan.  I pray in time God will fix my mistakes.  Ameen.


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